He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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