Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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