Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
