Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
