On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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