You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There r osticjed everywhere
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
is it fun? or sober?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
