So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
