Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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