Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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