dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
