the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize