we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
