that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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