HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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