dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
