She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
