turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
