I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
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I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
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THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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