so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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