P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
