I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
