We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
