just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
