I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
