yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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