My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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