he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
