Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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