I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you win again, gameday.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
