he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
