A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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