i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
