how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Pants are for mortals
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
