maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
