i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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