Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
