wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
