I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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