So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
