Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
