Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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