Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
