The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
