this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
