marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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