I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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