Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
