I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
