And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
