so that wasnt chicken after all
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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