You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
