***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
