Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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