Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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