They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
