I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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