Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
