I can text with my tongue
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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