Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
