She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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