last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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