so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
