her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize