lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
