i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
