Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
