Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
