We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
