the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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